EP. 17 Why We Love to Hate | Analyzing TikTok Creator Mol & The Karen Meme

Hey everyone! It's Reese, again~ And we are coming in hot again, kinda, with a video about why we love to hate. Or, why it's a trend to be hateful, in this trendy hatefulness that we got going on. We're getting nearer to February, so we gotta get on that love train. And what better way to start talking about love than to start talking about hate. Or why we love to hate.

So the drinky of the day is this large McDonald's hot coffee, I put some oatmeal cream creamer that I found for sale for like a dollar at Grocery Outlet...uh into this coffee so if you didn't already think that I was like 97, uh there's your proof right there. This oatmeal hot coffee from McDonald's. I just feel like that's like a habit that I'm Gonna Keep up until the day that I die, just like something is so comforting about McDonald's coffee, which apparently is like brewed to be burnt or something? But whatever, I love it. So confirmed trash here.

1:11 So in one of the last videos, like my cat was sitting there like furiously licking herself for like the entire 30 minute video, so I just um I'm not gonna apologize but I'm just like I noticed yeah and um uh but now she's right over there she's uh she looks so smart staring at the wall so she's getting ready she's getting ready to pull out the sources and stuff for us, so let's jump into the Spiel here.

Hey everyone! It's Reese~ Welcome to Reese gray analyzes, thank you so much for deciding to Adventure with me today! Here on Reese Grey Analyzes we look at creations and experiences in art, media, music, and even video games to explore exactly why we think the way we think, question what we believe, and learn something new! And no doubt, the media we consume influences not only how we love but how we hate, and who we choose to hate. So this video will be split into two parts. So part one we'll be talking about mMol who's a person from TikTok who got canceled and how people hate others to bond especially over the Internet when you're safe with this anonymity. And part two we'll be talking about Karen's. It's this stereotype of an entitled white lady in the United States, it's like a meme, and the timestamps are in the description and Source notes as always are on ReeseGrey.com. r-e-e-s-e grey.com.

2:41 So first off, before we get into Mol's story, this video was really inspired by my curiosity of why people are so cruel not only in childhood but as adults too as I started to grow up I realized that some people don't grow out of being bullies. And as a teen, lots of different types of people bully, people who are extremely well liked and popular, and people who are Outsiders themselves, or like really extremely sad themselves and they have to take it out on somebody. So they're either like grasping at this control that they don't feel that they have in their own lives, or they're legitimately just narcissistic and feel like they are entitled to bully people because they genuinely believe that they are better than other people. So there's no one reason and no one kind of bully.

But then as I got older, and I kind of examined the people who like push others around and say really unnecessary unkind things, I noticed that there was usually a pattern and what they were looking to achieve when they were mean so in adulthood. At least it's pretty scary because adult bullies are usually really smart and they're smart in a way that conflates their bullying and their mean Behavior with power and authority. So these like adult bullies usually become leaders and people in powerful positions because they're not afraid to step over boundaries and stomp on people's Spirit to make them stop wanting to try in any group. So they just end up usurping the power in that group and it causes the more mild-mannered or polite or otherwise unbothered people from really standing up to them, and it suppresses everyone into their current roles that they have and then the pushy people are able to push their way to the top.

4:24 A lot of smart people who don't want to deal with toxic workplaces anyway, if they see someone like this and the higher-ups aren't really like taking control of it and recognizing what's going on, they'll just leave the workplace anyway so people who are too afraid to leave or don't have the means to, leave kind of stay within this toxic environment and these toxic people are just put in leadership positions above everyone else who's too quiet to do anything. This sentiment is also really encouraged with popular media as well, think of tropes like the queen bee in high school in movies such as the Mean Girls or this Trope of girls loving Bad Boys is so widely believed because I think there's this culture that acknowledges and recognizes that meanness has been normalized. And it's better and safer to be mean than weak.

And even the nice people in those movies, like Lindsay Lohan in The Mean Girls who was nice, got power and Prestige by joining the meaner group and because of this normalized cultural belief it leads to normalized Cruelty as a means to survive in Social systems. And cruelty is accepted as a use of coping mechanism, it kind of encourages people to escape or prevent bullying by being mean in the first place. So by being cruel first, or crueler than you have been treated, is an appropriate way to react to a situation where you feel like you can't do anything else. And it perpetuates this cycle of self-inflicted protective cruelty as a means to just like survive in Social Circles.

6:16 So getting into part one of why we love to hate featuring TikTok Creator Mol. So I'm going to begin this video with an excerpt, kind of introducing Mol from TikTok, in case you're not familiar, *soundbite begins* "it's beginning to look a lot like haircut time, hey we feel so fly, I don't know what this looks, like and I am a cold, but I do not care cause I feel goooood". Okay, so Mol is a Creator who identifies as queer, and works as a camp counselor for kids, he then uses his experience to give advice to young kids about gender fluidity, and non-normative family dynamics that don't fit The heteronormative Stereotype of having a husband and a wife. So not only his views, but the way he speaks and his mannerisms and the way that he looks gets talked about a lot as well.

7:16 And to be fair as well, nothing and nobody is above critique. And I got an excellent TikTok comment when I was talking about this unwarranted hate of Mol that said "whether intentional or not he does cater to a younger audience and he's almost 30", and there's a truly good discussion to be had here about the appropriateness of his content in terms of gender and sexuality and what kind of information would actually be helpful to give to a growing child, as he talks about the fluidity of gender and different family dynamics that don't fit the normal status quo. And I think it's really fair to discuss and debate these in effort to learn from other people's experiences and learn what kinds of different households that kids might be living in, and maybe they feel really ostracized themselves because it's difficult for them to talk about their family Dynamics, and someone like Mol may be an outlet where they can find people who live in similar family Dynamics in order to have people to talk to. So I can see the side of where it might be a negative and it might be a positive and there's an excellent discussion to be had. But that gets taken away when we just to normalize screaming at a camera making fun of people's mannerisms and speech patterns.

p8:37 And I've seen my creators videos stitched everywhere, he has millions of views and so millions of stitches (not millions of stitches themselves, but in views) and stitches are basically just video replies on Tiktok, so in those response videos there's largely two types of stitches on TikTok, where one people are showing they're ashamed that Mol is too part of the lgbtq community, and they like hide their trans Flags, or go back into the closet. Basically saying ah yes, I too am gay, [but] no please. I am a cool queer person. But mostly, the large majority of stitches are from people who are just blankly staring at the camera, or yelling at him to shut up saying he's annoying just blank stares at the camera with a snarky comment on top. There's even videos claiming that they're thankful that they got bullied because thank God they didn't end up like him. And the comments on all of those hate videos are largely supportive of this bullying behavior, and it's this really bizarre behavior where people feel as if they are entitled to bully and harass Mol simply because they do not like him, and they think he's annoying, and they think he's loud and cringy, and thus it is deserved simply because they don't like him. And we shouldn't accept this lazy mockery as content, but it is widely widely accepted.

10:06 And of course you can dislike whoever you want and whatever you want for whatever reason you want. Block anyone you want, think someone's annoying, but right now there's this trend in normalization of lazy mockery and hatred that should really just be unacceptable. And digging deeper than oh he's just cringe or I don't like him because he's loud and annoying, let's turn those feelings inward, so let's kind of jump into the psychology of someone who posts these types of tiktok stitches who are yelling at Mol, why exactly would someone be so inspired to make a video, edit a video, upload a video, in this way?

10:46 So according to the study here on coolness and social vulnerability in Adolescence people who initiate bullying usually have a high social status but low likability, so a really high amount of clout or followers but not very likable. So usually because those creators don't have much to offer in terms of unique and creative content themselves they just go and create content that mocks other people because it's a way to build an audience over Mutual bonding of hatred towards someone. So the Assistants or reinforcers that they talk about in this study of these bullying behaviors which in Mol's case would be the commenters on Tiktok, who are agree being with the bullying, encouraging people to scream at their phones, so of course people with lower self-esteem feel really relieved that they are not the most uncool person in the room at that moment, so they join in on the mockery encouraging it by likes and comments. And in contrast, those who are bullied like Mol tend to be at the bottom of the social hierarchy, both unfortunately low in likability and low in Social Status, so people generally don't really like them much and thus they're at a lower social status and so people feel as if this Collective mockery and pointing and laughing is a way to bond and other-ize.

12:16 Not saying that people deserve to be bullied because they stand out from the crowd, and Mol clearly deviates from the status quo of what we expect to see on social media, how we expect someone to act in a lot of different ways and this explanation does account for moles extremely high views per likes on his videos and low subscriber count which makes it really really clear that people are definitely hate watching his content because of the disproportionate amounts of likes to views to followers.

12:49 So the question is, why people are making fun of him? And this is just a really long way to say that people are mean because they can be, because they're allowed to be, and especially because they're encouraged to be. And how we learn to love is in a huge way taught by how we were taught to communicate. And it works kind of the same way with hate as well, so I think most succinctly put, we hate to keep ourselves safe. To make certain that certain people stay at the bottom of the totem pole, While others who might be close to being put pushed to the bottom hurry to point at other people, and point out others who don't quite fit in so it's still safe for them and they can idly stand by as someone else gets ridiculed or noticed for being different. And others if they didn't initiate the hatred or the bullying will stand by because it's kind of scary to stand up for someone because then you might become a target, especially depending on who it is, it might become like socially dangerous to be involved because you'll be seen as an outsider for standing up for someone who everyone else hates.

14:09 And so why does it matter then? If it seems like something that we're not even able to change, if people have the free will to believe the means to believe they're just gonna bully right? And, yes. And my issue lies mostly with the reinforcers of this Behavior, instead of encouraging this Behavior, we should make the mean person feel like the outcast, because what Mol is doing when you look at what people are mocking him for, his mannerisms, and his tone and how loud he speaks, that's not grounds to harass someone. And mocking people and making fun of people is rewarded a lot of the time. And it's a way to gain popularity and an audience, as this one Creator straight up admits that he has done himself. And on one hand I respect that self-awareness, but also the audacity to belittle others for popularity and to admit it to people and to have people accept that and still like you is pretty astounding.

15:09 But that person themselves also says that they never meant any harm, and interestingly the same study even shows that the intention of harming someone of harming the person that the bully is bullying, and that these reinforcers are reinforcing, that they believe that intention of harm is disputed a lot in studies. And that people don't actually want to hurt and harm someone, they just need to feel this self-worth and self-value by getting most of the people in the group to acknowledge that someone else is an outcast. So it's pretty pathetic behavior and it has devastating consequences for the person being bullied and Social rewards for the person who is bullying, and for the people reinforcing that bullying, I tend to believe that most of the people who are making this hate content for Mol's, they don't necessarily want to ruin his life, but I also don't think they care if they hurt him. Especially with the internet and this anonymity, and people just being able to upload whatever they want and not having to say hurtful things to people's faces, it makes them feel better about it, that it's just free game, that is just something that they're allowed to do.

16:29 But I think something that's not considered a lot too, is that this cruelty and normalization of mockery and hatred lays this groundwork for those with very very specific Sinister and mal-aligned intentions to just flourish. And those with worse intentions than just poking fun at someone, making someone an outcast so they feel better about themselves, will now have this huge platform to stand on, since everyone's pretty much okay with bullying. For example, it can be argued that people have taken this normalization of hatred and bullying, and this trend against this queer person mol, as permission to uphold these harmful stereotypes, because these videos started to snowball into more Insidious videos, arguing that he's queer and works with children, so he must be a predator, which is extremely problematic. And he ended up getting his platform taken down because of these rumors, and there's an investigation on these allegations. And then also celebrating the fact that someone was essentially de-platformed on the basis of unfounded allegations of being a sexual predator just because people thought he was allowed and cringy and annoying is something that we should honestly be enraged by.

17:49 And this narrative too, says quote "we can make fun of him and he can be the butt of the joke but now it's gone too far because he's being harassed in quote real life" As if you speaking into the camera is any different than real life harassment, like how do you think it's gotten this far? On a platform where thousands of people can like, share, see, and interact with any video you make, and you spend that time blankly staring at a camera telling someone to shut up... Wouldn't the world just be a better place if we rooted our intentions and kindness? And didn't waste time creating content just to hate and belittle people? I think we should expect more from each other.

18:39 And moving on from like, the younger audience of tiktok, and mol, now we have like the the millennial type age group of what why we love to hate Karen's. So this portion of this video was inspired by another tiktokker who had such an interesting video. And they are a great Creator, and post some really great questions, the person is basically asking people to share their thoughts and opinions on the meme of the Karen. And their question is quote "why white women tend to act entitled and rude to customer service workers", and shares their story about them being half black half white and their white mom is really really rude to customer service workers, and I think they just kind of assume that white women in general feel entitled to be mean to service workers. And so just throwing in my my two cents in there, that question of why do all blank people do blank is just no. There's always this intersection of behavior, so let's try an adventure through that statement and figure it out.

19:49 So, I really think the majority of people know and understand that being rude to customer service workers is not strictly a white woman thing. I think this entitled Karen behavior has a lot to do with the intersections of class, your sense of entitlement, and how you feel about Humanity in general. So if you value people as people you won't be rude, but if you don't and you only accept people who are in your in group, and be it that of your race, or that of your class, you're going to be rude to service people who don't fit in this box that you've created in your own mind. Especially if it has to do with class because you feel like someone who's at a lower class you're entitled for them to serve you. And of course, that sentiment would be easier culturally to have if you are a white woman, as minorities in a lot of ways are taught to swerve and be accommodating.

20:41 For example, some of the food won't be available at your local Target, you got to go to a specialty Asian food store to get your spices and such. And for minorities too, holidays and culture aren't inherently baked into your work, in your kids school schedules, for example, for white Christian Protestants whatever you get you inherently get your Christmas off, you inherently get your Easter off, by virtue of just existing, and your culture needs are inherently met, and you're able to live very comfortably.

21:21 And then there's also this intersection of gender too, because this Karen meme is strictly applies to white women, so why would that be if we look at American history and we kind of look at what a white woman was expected to be, and you see that there is this cultural pressure to be this calm beautiful put together wife to not be the ___ friend who stands up for herself in a friend group, usually expected to be quiet at work, so what do they do they lash out at people who are safe, like the Barista at Starbucks, because flipping out on them won't negatively affect their social status. And now since that we have TikTok and YouTube, people are now holding that behavior accountable by posting it online for a public ridicule. And taking those cultural factors aside I think the perception of the entitled white Karen is such a meme because it's just really safe to pick on old white ladies. I don't think like old white ladies are waking up like oh man I'm in white old lady with an A-line bob, now it's time to go flip out at the Barista at Starbucks when they don't get my fourth shot in my Frappuccino. I think it could be like attributed more to like a universal woman experience, where there's the stress of keeping their mouth shut all day at work, be a good soccer mom, bring cupcakes to the game, go to the PTA meeting, make dinner for my husband, and God damn it if they don't get my chai latte with almond milk correct I'm gonna just flip out.

22:54 And of course, they flip out on the only safe person in their life to do so and then someone in turn records her at Starbucks and they just clown on her, on this white lady going crazy because white people are safe to make fun of, and why do people think that? They're statistically more likely to be privileged, and we assume that these white lady Karen's are acting out of entitlement, because what do they have to be so angry about? And we all feel and entitled to laugh at someone who we know nothing about. And am I saying that it's okay to be a Karen, and that it excuses that behavior? No, absolutely not. But making fun of a Karen doesn't necessarily put you on a higher moral ground anyway. And I think it's just in general a pretty lazy way to view other people, just because someone is more likely to have it better than you, it doesn't give people more of a right to be unkind to someone.

23:56 And I also think a lot of the time people who haven't left their Hometown or traveled much or even have like a strictly American point of view when it comes to race tend to want to put people in these boxes in hopes that they can understand people more if they can just figure out why all white women blank why all men are so blank. But it's not how it works. And though there are patterns in class and cultural behaviors, so like saying white women are more likely to be entitled when it comes to interaction with service workers, I did look up if there was some like quantitative study on whiteness and entitlement and honestly I couldn't find one. If you can find one, like I would love to read it. And I'm sure it exists somewhere, this sentiment of self-entitlement... because of whiteness. Though I just feel like I don't know, some people just in general are going to feel more entitled than others, well it's best not to generalize, and it's so complicated because this intersection of issues of class and gender and race all come together with this Karen Meme. And it's more complicated than what we give it credit for.

25:16 So let's bring anecdotes into it too, because that's what the tiktok video did as well, and like the person in the video that the reaction wasn't inspired by he said that his mother was extremely mean to service workers and assumes it's a white woman thing, and a lot of the comments tend to agree as well. To be completely fair, I have a white mom as well you guys know she's self-proclaimed trailer trash, like South Dakota Yeehaw we cow tip for fun like that's her, and so she comes from this lower class of people, and has this empathy for customer service workers, and she's like the kind of person who really likes to be a regular somewhere as well, and so she's always like really nice and patient with the customer service people, and so that's where this intersection of class might come in.

26:06 But then again, you can't generalize because it's not always that way, my mother-in-law too, she's pretty high class, higher class monetarily, British white lady she is so shy, and she would never ever be mean to a like customer service lady, ever like, she's so nice too, and so you have that intersection of culture as well, with her culture of being British, her race of being white, her class of being upper class, and they don't align to what people think would happen, right? Let's also say, you know, I got some Filipina aunties that'll throw down, they will scream at you if you did something wrong they will throw some hands, I've lived in Korea for five years Japan for another five and there's entitlement energy there too, interestingly that's a lot from older people be it males or females like old people they are not afraid to like yell at policemen tell them off and that line extends to customer service workers too. I've even seen a young guy at College, like scold one of the Food Service workers because his soup wasn't hot enough. Like I've just seen some really weird entitled behavior from all sorts of people. But this sentiment of the entitled white lady demanding service is sadly relegated to the image of a white woman, this Karen, because of this American desperation for recognition of white privilege I believe it's this misplaced frustration albeit such an excellent conversation to have and I think people tend to get really really upset and cross wires here because it is upsetting that people don't recognize this entitled Behavior.

28:01 Plus it starts to sound really sus when you think of it in a different way, for example, I used to be a cake decorator in a predominantly black neighborhood and a lot of the time, and honestly 100 of the time because of the neighborhood that I was in, whenever someone yelled at me or was mean to me it would always be a black woman you know, who would say that I made her cake ugly, or that they ordered something and it wasn't on time, when I know for a fact that they didn't order anything and they were just trying to get a cake the same day. And one time I even had a black woman yell at me and ask if I needed directions in Chinese to do something right. Which is hilarious, it's like pretty it's pretty funny to me honestly. And so if I use that subjective experience of living and working in the United States that it was predominantly black women who were yelling at me in this customer service were, and I know that's because of the neighborhood that I lived in at the time I know the social implications are different there, but just kind of it's something to be recognized. If we switch it over.

29:12 Rude people are gonna be everywhere, and we'll treat customer service workers badly if they feel like they're entitled to. So let me know what you think and your experience, experiences, and what your experiences are. But be sure to comment in Chinese so I can read it and understand it. I really hope you guys enjoyed this video adventuring through the reasons why we love to hate for camaraderie, and why it's so trendy and accepted, and this was a really fun one! And one to like kind of look inward in about our own like experiences subjectively, and the memes that we consume that make us look at people and treat people in certain ways, and this one was like really really fun and really complicated, so let me know your experiences on bullying both online and in person, and I'd love to hear y'all's take, so thank you so much for adventuring with me today~ And I'll see you all next time! okay love you bye <3 [Music]